what’s in a lie?
preservation of the precived self?
foundations of the addictions?
routine of relationships?
i am a good person and
i am also a liar
and i want my god dam money back.
all this bull shit that clings to the edges of words
of things that seem to be true.
i like to take drugs to deal with my problems
and i lie about the fact that i do to the people who love me most.
because of course, they dont want me to be drugging myself every time
something bad happens.
because of course, they know how it feels when something bad happens.
stop fucking comparing my life to yours
and yes there are starving children
and yes there are sensless wars
and yes there are millions of people who dont have clean water
and YES my pain still festers in my colin, unspoken and unwritten
unable to be shit out
you tell me all i need to do is belive
that i can do this all by myself
but fuck you
and your expectations
because you have no fucking clue
what its like to be me.
i have no fucking clue
what its like to be you.
did you know that most rape victims never report because they feel
the attack was their own fault?
did you know that the people who are the most kind
are the ones who hurt inside the most?
did you know that there are ten thousand shades of grey,
and did you know that their is a soup of garbage and plastic
the size of texas swirling in the middle of the pacific ocean?
i dont know much of anything
except for that which i have lived
but i do know this;
i am a good person
and i am a lair
i am fat
and i am sexy
i am broken
and i am strong
and i want my god dam money back.
this whole thing is all wrong.
my neighbors they must think im crazy
i eat pizza and drink bear and smoke joints and write poetry
on my dark balcony
when i sit down no one can see me
my friends they must think im crazy
because i dont have a tv
who dosent like tv?
they ask me.
its not that i dont “like” it
i just dont enjoy it.
most nights my apartment is silent
on the weekends i drag red dirt up and down
my hair curled perfectly and dripping sweet water
behind my footprints
spilled beer and ash
from a day of swimming and
mondays and tuesdays are the wild nights
when friends arrive ate one am
and stay til five
i fucked him til we broke my bed
and heard the neighbors roster call
begging the sun to rise
high heels crack
in the late afternoon
plat prat plat
off to work
back at ten
my neighbors must think im crazy
some kind of prosititue
that has friends who snort cocaine
and live between half truths
the world is just a reminder
of why you need more
funny how you only notice your heart is beating
when you try to fall asleep
how your house mate’s dishes in the sink
that have festered all week
putrid from your pride
and their ignorance
become the pleasure of your sunrise
when you use cocaine so often
that you need it to put your makeup on
for a saturday night
it has long lost its sparkle
of when you were fifteen
& having orgasum-less sex in cars
with older men
cocaine is the crutch
that keeps the drunk sober
& it is the knot
that keeps the sober silent
cocaine is borrowed, laughing, hollow.
it is the fly
that cannot stop running into the street light
it is the
pot hole on the highway
you drive over
African-American Girls & Women Killed By Police: Speak Their Names. See Their Faces. Know Their Stories.
There is this false myth going around that Black women are not victims of police violence. I believe the myth exists because quite frankly the media, social justice organizations and we the public tend not to focus on it. It is a self-fulfilling prophecy. I hope this post will make all of us change our minds. Here are the stories of some of the Black women and girls killed by law enforcement:
Pleasant Grove crash claims life of second person | AL.com (Heather Parker)
Family grieves after loved one killed in crash with APD (Jacqueline Culp)
Pedestrian Killed on I-95 in Florida (Laporsha Watson)
After Cleveland shooting, cities restrict police chases(Malissa Williams)
Elderly Woman Shot & Killed By Hearne Police Officer (Pearlie Golden)
Former Pa. trooper pleads guilty in fatal accident (Robin T. Williams)
Friends: Woman killed by police was nonviolent | Las Vegas (Sharmel Edwards)
The NYPD’s Poor Judgment With the Mentally Ill | Village Voice (Shereese Francis)
Harrisburg woman identified as victim in police SUV crash (Shulena S. Weldon)
$2.5M settlement in shooting of Lima woman by police officer (Tarika Wilson)
Texas Police Admit Officer Shot & Killed Unarmed Woman (Yvette Smith)